Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus (2009) directed by Jack Perez

My wife and I were spending some time with our friends this weekend. We were trying to figure out what to do while we ate our lunch, so we flipped through some Netflix streaming titles. Eventually, Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus popped up. This movie sounded familiar. Where had I heard of it before? I could have sworn I saw a trailer on YouTube or something like that a while back, but I wrote it off as being some type of joke. Sadly, this was not the case. There was some reluctance for everyone to watch it despite my desperate pleadings. Everyone gave in and we embarked on an experience that nearly defies explanation.

I watched this with the same group that we saw 2012 with during our chocolate martini party. Unfortunately, we watched Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus while sober. I think some alcohol could have made it just a bit more funny. The acting is horribly bad, the plot even worse, and editing not far behind. Deborah (Debbie) Gibson plays the lead role of Emma, the overconfident scientist that is witness to the unleashing of two monsters following the disintegration of an ancient iceberg. The only other actor that was recognizable was Lorenzo Lamas playing the overconfident military stereotype. He is in charge of hunting down the beasts, soon to be dubbed Mega Shark and Giant Octopus. The special effects in this film consist of stock footage from National Geographic with no real thought to what is actually there. I’m no marine biologist, but seeing stingrays near icebergs does not make sense.

The real entertainment we got from this movie was from ourselves as we tried to predict what crazy thing would happen next. Overall, we were pretty accurate. I can only hope that the writers and director were actually trying to make a horribly bad movie. I know Lorenzo Lamas can do better! I have no idea what I’ve seen him in before, but even for him, the performance was terrible. As for Debbie, <cough> Deborah, she at least appeared to be trying.

The biggest let down of the movie was the final battle. I had low expectations, but it turned out that they weren’t low enough. All I could say to myself as the credits rolled by was, “That’s it?” It is not the ending, but the journey that makes it worth it. Do not watch this alone! The more people that watch at the same time, the better. Also, some alcohol would help as well.

–edit–

I was reminded that I forgot to mention the awesome “science montage” where the crew tries to synthesize a pheromone to attract the monsters into traps. It was pretty damn cheezy and one of the highlights of the movie.

Here is what we had the night before.

Fresh-fruit Punch (Cold) from: The Cocktail Handbook ISBN 0-7607-3974-9

Ingredients:
block of ice (use a butter tub or something and freeze water)
60 cl (15 fl oz) of fresh fruit – either one variety or mixed fruits (we used star fruit, pineapple, strawberries and kiwis)
500ml (1 pint) gomme syrup
350ml (12 fl oz) white rum
700ml (1 ¼ pint) gin
2 x 750 ml bottles of dry white wine (We used Von Jakob Little Grand Canyon Gold semi-sweet because we like it sweet) http://www.vonjakobvineyard.com

Method:
Wash and slice the fresh fruit and place it in a large bowl. Pour the gomme syrup and rum over the fruit and place it in the refrigerator for at least six hours. Put the block of ice into the punch bowl and pour the “marinated” fruit and liquid over the ice. Add the gin and the white wine and stir thoroughly. Let the mix stand for a few minutes before serving in ballons or wine glasses.

Despite the large amount of alcohol in this punch, it does not taste like it. If you don’t like sugar, this definitely is not for you.